His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
