Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
