bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
