It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
