I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
