I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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