He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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