wat bout pragnant strippers??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
