she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
