if you like me you must not know who I am
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
