True but thats because hes a fetus.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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