The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
