I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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