And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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