It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
