oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
