So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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