I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize