I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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