Im at strip club and am horny
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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