Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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