im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize