New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
