apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
