so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
