Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
