Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
