I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I stole a fireplace last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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