ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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