Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
