I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
