Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
