looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
