i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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