i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
