An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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