$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
