my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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