I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
