so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
