For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
