I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
