i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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