nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
