I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
