She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
