mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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