party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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