Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
