life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
