No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
