I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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