arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
