she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize