The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
