Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize