Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
