You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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