Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
