turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize