girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
