SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
