pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
