Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
not ubering you a puppy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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