we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
