Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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