id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
