dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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